People who are good at dealing with the conflict do this first thing

When approaching conflictMost people aim to reach their path, while others try to find a common ground. This is the mistake of Robert Bordon and Joel Salinas’s mistake.

In their new book, “Flexibility of Conflict: Negotiating the Disagreement without giving up or surrendering,” the two argue that trying to resolve the conflict overlooks the interaction of its value and that you will gain more difficult conversations if you are trying to learn, and do not try to win.

“We are thinking about the conflict as a possibility to enhance communication and build an actually relationship,” says Bordon. He is the founder and former director of the clinical program for negotiation and mediation at Harvard University.

People who are fluent in conflict have no mentality that conflicts are bad.

“If your orientation about what you enter is very negative, it is difficult to be more brilliant than if you have a different frame, and I would just say, a more accurate frame,” says Bordon.

In fact, they see it as an opportunity to verify the health of the other person. Instead of coming with the points list, they give priority to listen and ask questions.

“The work of the flexible conflict is to enter a scene that does not contain a text because it is driven by a feeling of curiosity about something from the other person,” says Bordon.

Salinas, a behavioral nerve scientist and the physician at New York University, says that people who excel in dealing with skirmishes-whether in their personal lives or at the workplace-also know that it is sometimes unrealistic to expect a face to see.

“There are certain areas of the dispute that it is impossible to solve,” he says.

For divisions for a conversation, you must really try to understand the fears of the other person, Court Gray, Professor of Social Psychology at North Carolina University, Chaplin Hill and author of “Anger: Why We Fight about Ethics and Politics and how to find a common ground”, ” CNBC MAKING told this earlier this year.

“We often go to these conversations, not a conversation,” says Gray. “It is an opportunity to score points or try to make the other person look stupid. The real conversation is something where questions are asked.”

Gray recommends taking three steps to make better conversations when you are in disagreement with someone:

1. Try to understand their motives: Ask questions and express real curiosity about how they reach their end.
2. Check the validity of this motivation: Even if you do not agree to their point of view, you can confirm that you understand how they got there.
3. Emphasize your personal contact: Instead of outperforming the facts, be at risk and tell them why they differ with them on a personal level.

Others are likely to find some merit in your argument if you share a personal story, unlike some statistics, to show the reason for your place.

“Establishing a person with someone, and seeing him as a human colleague, and I think it is a long way,” says Gray.

Both of you will leave a feeling of improvement and more respectful if you at least try to understand each other.

Do you want to earn some additional money on the side? Take the new CNBC cycle online How to start with a side bustle To learn tips for starting and strategies for success from the upper sides experts. Register today and use the early voucher code to get an introductory discount of 30 % $ 97 discount (+taxes and fees) until April 1, 2025.

plus, Subscribe to CNBC, make it the newsletter To get tips and tricks to work at work, with money and life.