How to Fix Your Relationship with Money: Financial Psychotherapist

“The financial lessons we learn as we grow up” are largely shaped by whether we grew up in an environment of scarcity or wealth, Raynal said.

“To give you an example, people have grown up with scarcity, and people who have been able to pull themselves out of that economic reality, and perhaps in their adult lives have accumulated a significant amount of wealth, it is very common for them to struggle with what they have,” Raynal said. “We call it a mentality.” Scarcity.”

This is a pattern of thinking that focuses on the idea that you don’t have enough of something, such as money. Raynal added that a scarcity mentality means a person may have difficulty enjoying the money they have earned and be anxious about spending it.

Alternatively, there are people who grew up with little but became wealthy, and are now very careless with money.

“They give themselves everything they longed for when they were young, so they may go to the other extreme and start spending it carelessly, because now they want to give their children everything their parents could not give them,” Reynal added.

The key to overcoming toxic spending habits is to stop self-sabotaging — a common behavior — according to Raynal.

“Often behind a pattern of financial self-sabotage, there are deep-rooted emotional reasons, which can range from feelings of anger, feelings of unworthiness, and perhaps a fear of independence and autonomy,” she said.

To determine these things, you must first identify your financial habits and their inconsistencies, Raynal said, giving the example of someone who might overspend in the evening.

“Is it boredom? Is it loneliness? What feeling might you try to remedy by overspending?” She said.

“This really gives you an idea of ​​what you can do differently. So, if it’s boredom, what can you replace this terrible money habit with?”

Raynal said she has a young client who always runs out of money during the first two weeks of the month. So I asked them: What would happen if you were financially responsible?

The client revealed that he was afraid to risk his relationship with his mother because every time he ran out of money, he would call his mother to ask for more.

“Their parents separated a long time ago, and the only time they talked to their mother was to ask for money,” Raynal said. “They had a vested interest in being bad with money, because if they became good with money, they would have the problem of, ‘I might not have an excuse to call my mom anymore and I don’t know how to build that relationship again.’”

The financial psychotherapist recommended being “curious and non-judgmental” when looking at the roots of bad spending behavior.

“So we sometimes ask ourselves: What would I feel if I didn’t destroy myself financially, or if I wasn’t generous with my friends?” “It can start to reveal why you’re doing it,” she added.