Dr. Siliwi gets South Africa talking about financial abuse

A young doctor in South Africa has sparked a conversation at the country’s level about a form of home abuse, often honored in silence – financial abuse.

In a series of viral videos, Dr. Siliwi opened Nadab on how she had been financially exploited by her husband, and how she had separated.

She often sits in her car on her way to work, and the three mother of the three weeks retreated about how her successful profession has become in Sam’s marriage for years, and she felt a manipulation of her husband’s lifestyle – especially his desire to lead Mercedes -Benz.

Dr. Nadaba, who returned to the use of her name before the decision, said that obtaining loans to him to buy such vehicles was the “worst decision” in her life, putting the family under a huge financial pressure.

Despite her husband’s appeals to reduce the classification, she said that he refused – accused of her desire to “turn him into stocks laughing by driving a small car.”

The doctor said that she was speaking publicly because she wanted to issue a warning to others – that he was not “uneducated” and “less fortunate” finding themselves in abusive relationships.

Her separate husband, Timitop Dada, did not respond to the BBC’s request for comment.

In the aftermath of a social media storm, he created a Tiktok account, where he admitted in one of his first videos: “You may know me …” Mr. Benz or nothing. “

The few posts carried out by the retail brands such as #Divorcetrauma – saying the accusations are lies.

However, the TIKTOK comments section of Dr. Nadaba and other social media platforms turned into support groups, full of female families that share frightening similar stories.

“You are brave to speak publicly … I was silent,” one of them commented.

Bretos Braler, a lawyer in Cape Town, believes that although South African women have become doctors, lawyers and businessmen, obtaining paid jobs does not necessarily release them from the Patriarchal clutches.

He says that the financial independence of women is engaged with “cultural standards that give priority to male power.”

If anything, their success appears to make them targets.

The lawyer explains that financial abuse occurs when one of the partners dominates or exploits other financial resources.

“It is a hidden but strong tactic for domestic violence, which aims to keep the victim under control,” he says.

In South Africa, this is legally classified as economic abuse under the Law of Home Violence.

Mr. Braler says that things such as “blocking the unfair money of necessities or interfering in common assets” are covered by this law.

The university’s records, who asked not to be identified, told BBC how her husband lied about his qualifications and left her in the end in a state of financial ruin.

She started her car, which he led mostly but never withdrawn. Then the loans you obtained for its multiple failed commercial projects. Finally, the evacuation notice came because she said that he stopped contributing to the rent, leaving it to bear all the expenses of their families, which included three children.

Nevertheless, they took together for about a decade – although he was also physically offensive.

She said: “He is very smart … I was in love with his intelligence, and his big dreams. But he could not follow them with actions. His pride was his fall.”

Even when he managed to get some money, it still did not contribute.

She said: “He started blocking any money he had for himself.

Legal financial expert Olila Gogoba says that in addition to controlling money, financial abuse often has deep psychological roots.

“For the abuser, this behavior may stem from the feelings of insufficient, fear of abandoning or the need for hegemony,” she told the BBC.

“For the victim, the psychological effect includes feelings of impotence, fear and dependence, which can be paralyzed.”

Research from the University of South Africa indicates that these are not isolated situations-and that women who excel over their partners face much higher risk of intimate partner violence.

From their in -depth study of 10 women who were among the primary isolation of their families, only two married.

“With regard to eight of the participants, their choices resulted in single experiences in physical, emotional and sexual violence … All women said that they believed that their role as a celebration was considered a threat to the traditional male role of the presenter,” The researcher Bianca Bari said.

Mrs. Gogoba says that female families are less valuable than their male counterparts, despite her economic contributions: “This cultural background can encourage some partners to feel control of financial affairs, even when they are not equally.

“This control is not only related to money – it is also related to power and maintaining a grip on the dynamics of the relationship.”

“It is part of a growing style in South Africa of women’s middle -class women who are financially exploited.

“Black women face a dual patriarch: Western expectations at work and traditional expectations at home. When these harmful ideologies collide,” she told the BBC.

She explained that the balance between the pressures of being a successful woman, but playing the role of “the presenter, the mother, the righteous wife, the righteous neighbor and a member of the community who goes to the church every Sunday”, was always difficult for women to learn the brush of the Nuru about the arrogance of men.

Since Dr. Nadaba has revealed, women on social media have shared stories about giving their male partners to deduct or credit cards when they go out to eat, as if he was paying the price of the meal.

For Mrs. Shang, this shows how a happy home burden is often placed on the shoulders of women.

“If you get a car, they will be happy.” Love makes you blind.

By the time when the university’s lecturer divorced her husband, she left with debts 140,000 Rand ($ 7500; 5600 pounds) – all got her name.

“Before, I can plan things like holidays. Now it’s welfare,” she said.

Dr. Nadaba was in pain to tell her followers, as she did in the blog blog blog: “Finance is an important aspect of people’s marriages.”

The lecturer was unable to agree more, and the young women urged their time when they identified their partners and have honest open talks.

“Talk about financial affairs, talk about your background, and talk about emotions and personality.”

Mrs. Gogoba urged more people to protect themselves from their partner, asked them to keep a separate bank account, keep their pins safe and monitor their credit cards.

They all agreed that a woman should understand that love should not come at an unnecessary price.